first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
