I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize