Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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