I'm going to rape someone's good day.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
