Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.