I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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