My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
did i just pee glitter