I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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