Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.

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(810): Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it. http://tfl.nu/lg31

Replies (8) Good night (556) Bad night (1488)
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(708): View more from Illinois

Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes

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(708): Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes http://tfl.nu/wqgi

Replies (10) Good night (4315) Bad night (910)
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(707): View more from California

she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.

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(707): she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me. http://tfl.nu/ol58

Replies (43) Good night (1645) Bad night (5635)
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(509): View more from Washington

i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.

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(509): i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol. http://tfl.nu/8fl0

Replies (7) Good night (1777) Bad night (691)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life

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(775): I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life http://tfl.nu/gkf7

Replies (1) Good night (1459) Bad night (806)
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(904): View more from Florida

Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.

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(904): Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters. http://tfl.nu/kh3s

Replies (21) Good night (2148) Bad night (1023)
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(607): View more from New York

I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.

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(607): I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable. http://tfl.nu/31u9

Replies (9) Good night (445) Bad night (1429)
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(575): View more from New Mexico

There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.

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(575): There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/m7kt

Replies (4) Good night (1062) Bad night (444)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.

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(919): Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today. http://tfl.nu/hnp2

Replies (12) Good night (6385) Bad night (672)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?

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(920): Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night? http://tfl.nu/ykmq

Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (673)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.

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(803): Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in. http://tfl.nu/noz8

Replies (2) Good night (742) Bad night (406)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.

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(724): I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout. http://tfl.nu/bypz

Replies (3) Good night (763) Bad night (277)
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(618): View more from Illinois

I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!

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(618): I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!! http://tfl.nu/uufd

Replies (4) Good night (653) Bad night (301)
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(845): View more from New York

How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother

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(845): How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother http://tfl.nu/c9gy

Replies (13) Good night (375) Bad night (223)
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(469): View more from Texas

TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.

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(469): TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low. http://tfl.nu/y5ae

Replies (0) Good night (415) Bad night (184)

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