well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
