I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
