Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
