I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
