I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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