and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
