At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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