Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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