Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night