oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.