I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml