Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
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someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.