Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
