I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
