She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
