she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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