So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
