I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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