4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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