I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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