They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Welp...herpes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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