Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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