Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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