i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
