Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
