Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
