spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
