You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
