There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
