I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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