I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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