I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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