the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
