I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
