just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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