I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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