Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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