Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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