and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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