there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
