i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
