Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
