she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He better not be in your backpack
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
