Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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