I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I am morally bankrupt
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
