I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
