My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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