all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
