if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
