Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
