He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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