I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How's work?
Spinning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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