I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
