just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
