I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
