Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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