Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
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whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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