What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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