I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
