You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
