Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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