I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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