I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
