All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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