youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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