i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
